“Reflections of A Woman’s Indiscretions“
This book is dedicated to my mother Elena, grandmothers Josephine & Evril, & to all the Ladies in my life – Strong women I have seen Prevail no matter the circumstances or challenges.
After I got my butt whooped, I was more humiliated than ever. I sat in my car, welted and bruised up, asking myself why I would let him continue to hurt me. I was confused–emotionally and mentally. I knew I didn’t deserve his abuses, so “why did I take it?!” The bullshit in a dysfunctional relationship like this one can be detrimental to a woman’s health and well-being. Again, “Love” has the power to flourish with beauty or burn one’s house to the ground.
No, I didn’t deserve the abuse; I was a good girlfriend. My problem was belittling myself for allowing him to continue to shame and disrespect me. It was crazy too! One minute I’d be fierce thinking I can do bad all by myself; I don’t need this or him! Then the next minute I will be feeble and weak. But my thoughts of strength that day (when he spanked me), were like many days: short-lived. Because the next thing I knew, I totally agreed to meet him later at his aunt’s house, where he will be temporarily staying; because he was at odds with his grandmother.
As soon as he called, I went running. I knew it was wrong, but I went anyway. And when he saw me that night, he apologized. He babied me, rubbed my feet, and loved me the way he use to; I forgave him for everything. It was as if I was under his spell. I was in a trance and I couldn’t break it.
Summer was in full effect; the kids were out of school and now in day camp.Not only was I busy with my son Jordan’s basketball and baseball season, but I was still looking for an apartment. On one Saturday afternoon, when my kids and I were leaving Jordan’s baseball game, Slimm chirped me: “Baby, I found you a spot.”
His family owned a building where the apartment was located; he was helping to clean the vacant apartment and asked if it was available. Surprisingly, it was! And it could be ready in the next two weeks! I didn’t believe him at first, so I had to see it for myself. Nothing came easy for me, so it was a shock for me when he did chirp with the good news. Once I saw the apartment I was more than ready to move in. My current living arrangements were finally coming to an end. I appreciated the hospitality that Faith and her mother provided, but I missed having my own home which I could share it with my kids. It had only been six months, but it felt like years had flown by.
The apartment was charming; it had one bedroom, one bath, and a loft area, which I was going to hook up for the kids [because I’m creative like that!]. However, the kitchen was my favorite room. It was perfect! It had a panel of windows that showed the beauty of Los Angeles. Another plus was that Blu’s apartment was down the hill from my kids’ school which was about five minutes away – it was ideal! What wasn’t ideal was that I was moving into the housing property of Slimm’s people. And I also made a conscious decision to move-in with me and my kids.
Stupid, I know! Reflecting back, I think I must’ve been out of my mind because this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The reality was we were both in similar situations; he was sleeping on his aunt’s sofa and I needed an apartment. The agreement was we would split the rent and the cost of utilities. To this day, I don’t know why I didn’t think critically about this situation. Deep in my heart I knew it was the wrong thing to do for obvious reasons: first was the fact that I was still legally married to another man; second, my kids weren’t exactly receptive to Slimm although they were polite and respectful; and third, our relationship was a wreck. Why I thought it would be different, once we did move-in together, was beyond my comprehension. Secretly within my own heart, I thought he would change; and I also hoped for the best. I believed we could make it if we tried. I also thought he would appreciate the family life and alter his behavior for the better. I’m mad at myself for being so foolish and selfish–allowing him to live under the same roof with my kids after we spent six months apart in separate homes. I was a fool for thinking with my own heart instead of my head. In this case I deserved an ass whoopin’.
The apartment wouldn’t be ready for us to move-in for another two weeks, due to repairs and upgrades. Within that timeframe I informed everybody, who was important in my life, about my plans to move in with Slimm. And I was not surprised by the overwhelming number of negative responses from my action.
Blu was against the idea, but what could he do? I was not a good listener; I was stubborn and I always knew what was best for me. No wonder my life was always so challenging. My sister and girlfriends loved that I found an apartment, but they weren’t feeling my living arrangements–specifically Slimm as my roommate. They knew the business –Slimm and I were always arguing and fighting – but they also knew that I was going to do what I wanted despite their objections. So they didn’t bother to try to talk me out of it. My cousin Shannon was the one who was like, “You crazy, cuz!” Her words, from that day forward, stuck with me. But I disregarded it–pretending not to care.
One week prior to my move, Slimm did some ignorant shit: “He was on one” (angry) because I was late meeting him at someplace. For one I was busy helping my kids with their homework, which I was at the library for two hours, and I was tired from being at work all day. So I was not in the mood for his tantrum. After my kids were taken care of, I then headed straight to Faith’s house to call it a night. But, all the while, he was blowing up my phone–which I kept ignoring of course.
I finally made it to the Faith’s place, which I pulled my car into the back parking lot and walked inside. Tamela, Faith’s mom, was home and Faith was upstairs at her neighbor’s apartment. So I went upstairs to join her; so I could fill her in about the latest drama in my life.
Immediately I told Faith, “If Slimm calls, tell him I’m not here!”
She understood my drama, and agreed to saying, “Girl, don’t worry. I’ll let him know.”
Surprisingly, Slimm didn’t call me at all. But what surprised me even more was his unexpected visit to Blu’s family’s housing property–like he just popped up out of nowhere. I was frightened by his bold choice–“Why would he come here?!” He’s never been as audacious to step foot on the Eastside of LA, especially where Blu’s family lived. To make matters worse he had balls to approach Faith’s front door–banging on it like he was the police. Let me just say that if Tamela had to answer her door, she would’ve roasted his ass–and that’s just putting it mildly. Knowing what Faith’s mother was capable of, she quickly ran down the stairs in an attempt to make him leave. While Faith was confronting the Big Bad Wolf downstairs, I hid inside a bedroom. Even though I was upstairs, I could still hear their conversation–especially Slimm’s mouth.
His voice was deep, loud, and distinct. I heard him ask Faith saying, “Where Sharine at?!”
Lying her ass off, she answered, “I don’t know, but she’s not here.”
Apparently he knew better because he must have walked through the parking lot and saw my car there.
“Don’t lie, Faith! I just want to talk to her,” I heard him say.
Before Faith could answer him, I heard another voice: a man. It was another neighbor and Faith’s long time family friend, Desmond. Evidently, Desmond heard what was going on; he wanted to make sure that everything was good with Faith, considering he didn’t know Slimm.
I heard Desmond ask, “What’s the problem?”
Slimm responded aggressively, “There is no problem!”
“There must be a problem,” Desmond answered with confidence.
I could hear the tension and hostility that were building inside the two men’s voices; I peeked out the window to only see Faith standing between the two of them. Then the inevitable happened, Slimm pulled his gun on Desmond!
STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK TO READ THE NEXT THRILLING CHAPTER OF SHARINE’S UPCOMING AUTOBIOGRAPHY, “REFLECTIONS OF A WOMAN’S INDISCRETIONS”
ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED TO SHARINE JONES.