“Reflections of A Woman’s Indiscretions“
This book is dedicated to my mother Elena, grandmothers Josephine & Evril, & to all the Ladies in my life – Strong women I have seen Prevail no matter the circumstances or challenges.
Like a good girlfriend, I was there for him undeniably. And later that morning, I went to visit him–driving my car with a black plastic bag covering my broken window. I was so embarrassed in more ways than one. It was Sunday and most of the window repair shops were closed, so there was nothing I could do. However, by Monday afternoon–when his grandmother bailed him out from jail–he took care of my window, which was the least he could do for me.
Slimm’s grandmother always bailed him out. No matter how many problems that Slimm got himself into, she was always there to pick up the pieces. That’s the reason why he never held himself accountable for anything; why he refused to take responsibility; and why he always found a way to justify his wrongdoings. Slimm’s entire life was defined by escaping consequences and avoiding punishment. It was plain to see why he evaded all consequences and punishments in the real world too.
Shattered Fairy Tales
Before my marriage with Blu and my love affair with Slimm, I believed that fairy tales were joyful, extravagant, beautiful, and usually ended with a “happily ever after” ending. As a child my perception of love was derived from stories such as Cinderella–where the heroine would be rescued from her unhappy life by a charming man who loves her deeply. Even as a grown woman, I held on to the thought that one day I’d find my true love and live “happily ever after.” It’s corny, I know. And maybe that’s why I am a little silly, naive, or just a romantic at heart. Whichever it may be, I am happy. I am happy that my heart has not turned cold, despite everything that has happened to me.
I was married with children by the time I was twenty, and by twenty-five I just wanted it to be over. My marriage with Blu was a disaster; we lacked communication, respect, and trust. He gave me no attention. He became controlling and possessive, and called me foul names on a regular basis: “bitch,” “hoe,” “slut” [I’m sure you get the point!]. Furthermore, we hardly spent time together as a couple or a family. I felt unloved by my husband and I began to crave the love that I wasn’t getting at home. I wanted a man to illustrate his love for me, and so I started a long journey of infidelities.
Married women are emotionally safe for the “other man”– at least that’s what I thought. I think men typically like that because there’s no commitment or exclusivity required–and the feelings are unattached. That’s how I would think about it now–but back then, I didn’t think like that way at all. Back then all I knew was that I wanted someone to fill my void. I wanted what I wasn’t getting from my husband – affection and love – and so I settled for more than I should have; because I was a married woman.
Even though I kept it “100,” with the men that I did spend my time with, it only played with my emotions – straight up and down. These guys didn’t have to commit to me. They’d sleep with me, whenever they wanted, and were still able to cling to their freedom – sleeping or dating with whomever they wanted. I gave my goods away (mistakenly associating sex with love) but never receiving them. Instead, all I got were more problems. Looking back, I remembered that I always needed a man to validate me; I needed a man to make me feel important, and to give me meaning.
I was unhappy in my life. I wanted Prince Charming to save me, and provide me with endless happiness. My imagination was something else! I was fooling myself into believing that I would find true love, despite being married. Things in life have to be done decently and in the right order (prioritize), if you want to receive blessings and live a good life. Unfortunately, my life was out of order. Nothing good came out of my affairs. But when I met Slimm, I thought I had cheated the priorities in life; I was finally going to be happy.
I remember one of our first times “kickin’ it,” he took me to a beautiful home in the Hills. The view of Los Angeles was “blingin’” (bright) from the city lights and it was a sensational sight. Music played lightly in the background, and he surprised me with a hot tub, which was bubbling with steam rising from it–he also had fresh strawberries and chilled champagne waiting for me. I was more than amazed that this street dude could be so romantic.
“Baby, go inside and put on your bikini,” he said in a sweet tone.
He didn’t have to ask me twice; I quickly followed his instruction.
I returned wearing a hot pink bikini; my breasts were looking plump and tantalizing. And even though I was lacking booty, it was still enough for him grab onto. I was hoping he liked what I had on, because I wanted his hands all over me.
“I’m totally feeling him,” I thought to myself, when I stepped into the hot tub–the steaming water tingled my body. A few minutes has passed by and Slimm joined me with two glasses of champagne and a bowl of strawberries. After he gently hand fed me with strawberries, one by one, while sipping on our bubbly, we played with each other in the private spa until we became too hot–and soon we finished what we started upstairs. I went to bed that night feeling that I was in a fairytale – I finally found the man I deserved.
Stay Tuned Next Week To Read The Next Page of Sharine’s Upcoming Autobiography, “Reflections of a Woman’s Indiscretions.”
All Rights Are Reserved To Sharine Jones
- Saturday Book Read w/ Sharine Jones: Chapter 3 Confused and Delusional Part 4 (princesdailyjournal.com)
- Saturday Book Read w/ Sharine Jones: Chapter 1: Love (princesdailyjournal.com)